Nerima Wrecking Crew - Siege Perilous
by BiGDeal
Summary: Ranma has reached his breaking point and wants out of his life of constant and escalating chaos. Ryoga finds that there is one item that may be able to deliver and end of the craziness in and around Ranma's life, the mythical Arthurian legendary Siege Perilous. Problem is that the Siege Perilous is also judgement of Ranma's life as well. Rated M because we may drift from a PG13.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's notes** …. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries are definitely mature in outlook.

 **SIEGE PERILOUS** – WIKI article: _In Arthurian legend, the Siege Perilous (also known as The Perilous Seat) is a vacant seat at the Round Table reserved by Merlin for the knight who would one day be successful in the quest for the Holy Grail. The English word "siege" originally meant "seat or throne," coming from the Old French sege (modern French siège); the modern military sense of a prolonged assault comes from the conception of an army "sitting down" before a fortress._

Ranko was huddled in a dark corner of the local parkette when Ryoga threaded his way through the bushes and squatted down in front of her. His right hand reached out and wiped the tears streaming down her cheek and cupped her cheek.

Gently reaching out, Ryoga pulled her unto his lap and shifted to a sitting position. Ranko grabbed his shirt and pulled herself into his chest and then leaned on his shoulder and started crying, howling from the depths of her foul.

Finally subsiding to hiccups and sniffles, Ranko wiped her nose on his shirt and then realized what a mess she'd made and started to snicker.

Shifting so that she was facing him while still sitting on his lap, she leaned her forehead against his and then sighed.

"I can't do this anymore, I just can't. What do I do, Ryoga?"

Ryoga looked back, closed his eyes and thought, the opened them again. "What do you want?"

Ranko hiccupped and covered her mouth, swallowed and then looked down, twiddling her fingers. "I want it all to stop. No more quests. No more adventures. No more battles against unconquerable odds. No more death and destruction. No more being a chaos magnet, that just keeps on escalating and escalating, no tie for a break. Heck, even when I take a break, things go crazy and I wind up in bride contest in order to rescue everyone when the boat gets wrecked on a desert island. How long as the craziness been going on? I can tell you, since Dad took me to the Jusenkyo 'training ground' and we got splashed."

Looking at Ryoga, she took a breath. "Sorry, the craziness started even before that with the food fights at lunchtime and then your challenge for a fight in the empty lot behind your parents' house."

Ryoga nodded. "Okay, no more craziness. I get that. Anything else, like World Peace?"

Ranko poked him hard in the chest then did a forehead flick between Ryoga's eyebrows. "That would be great but really just peace for me and those around me. Time for me to gather my breath and actually decide what I want from life, not reacting to challenges and events and….. and…. more craziness."

Ryoga rubbed where he'd been flicked and mock-glared at Ranko. "Funny, Ranko, but noted. Come on, let's get you home and I'll get you settled and then see what we can do..."

Ranko smiled at Ryoga. "We? Does this mean... I mean, I thought that you and Akari were... Oh crap! I'm not making sense."

Ryoga snickered. "Akari and I had a heart-to-heart talk a month ago. She'd noticed that you'd been becoming even more remote than usual, and massively so compared to our old days in Nerima. So, she cornered me and hit me with the really hard questions: if Ranko suddenly disappeared, would you drop everything and chase after; and do you really love me? Long story short, no matter what, I go with you wherever you wind up. Not really in the romantic sense but we've been through so much that we're pretty well joined hip-and-thigh for the rest of our lives, maybe even beyond that."

Ranko threw her arms around Ryoga's neck and enveloped him in a massive hug. "As corny as that sounds, I'm glad. I'm also sad that this sounds like you and Akari are breaking up."

Ryoga scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, but wanna bet that the next time that I get lost, I'll wind up popping up in the pig farm, get soaked with cold water and run afoul of whatever of Katsunishiki's grandkids is currently holding down the yokozuna rank before Akari finally stops laughing and opens the kitchen door and fetches the kettle, then calls you to come and pick me up."

Ranko nodded. "Considering your track record over the years, I've been calling her when you disappear and before we more than exchange hellos, you can hear the pigs squealing and the scratching at the door start up."

"Well, on that note, time for us to get back to our digs and you into the furo for a long soak. Need anyone to wash your back?"

Ranko smirked. "And you wonder why people say that the three of us are married when you say things like that? Come on, you big lug, let's get home and you can join me in the furo."

Ryoga clamped his nose as blood started trickling while Ranko laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's notes** …. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries are definitely mature in outlook.

Recommended reading: "What do you want" by polenicus. Post failed wedding attempt. Nibiki gets Ranma to decide what he wants to do. Surprising answers are forthcoming.

While I was getting this story underway, I kicked off my latest story (this one) and made my usual mistake, I looked at the follow list for one of the followers of it, and found an absolute set of gems: "The Love of a Cheetah", where our indomitable hero from Nerima winds up with a child (not his) and the only way to feed the new munchkin on a bottle is to get her started on someone's breast then swap to the bottle. Guess who's? Hints: 'Biki and Ranko are the first two, followed by Kasumi and the Amazon fiancee.

Nerima Prefecture, six months after the previous chapter

Not the same Nerima Prefecture as the previous chapter.

Ranko was gripping the stone lantern and hoisting it up to an upright position on the cement plinth when she heard the gate squeak open and an adult and young child gasp in amazement while she was lifting the 600 kilograms of dead weight.

"Don't move, just give me a minute to get this set right," she called out while completing the dead-lift and hobbled forward and then lowered the lantern into its rightful place.

Dusting her hands on her pants, Ranko turned and did a short bow. "Welcome to my house, though I do wonder how you got in as the gate is normally locked."

The young lady did a short bow. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Tendo Nibiki and I own the house, though it is managed through a company that runs properties. I was just dropping off your paperwork and was going to introduce myself and ask if there is anything that you need to be done. Having just seen what you just did, I suspect that there is very little that you can't do by yourself."

Ranko smirked. "Ah, I could do a lot but then I'd run afoul of Sergeant Harada and his Martial Arts By-law and something that he calls 'The Book'. I do have the kettle on. Would you like to have some tea?"

Both of the visitors nodded though the young child (a boy from overall appearances) kept glancing towards the dojo.

"Would you like to go into the dojo?" asked Ranko, then added "That is, if it is allowed?" while glancing at Nibiki, who sighed and nodded and then added, "mind you, no making a mess, Just the katas and nothing more."

Suon, bowed to his mother and then to Ranko and stepped inside the dojo and kicked his shoes and socks off then slid the door shut.

Nibiki looked at Ranko. "Tell me that there's nothing in there that he can get into real trouble with? Tendo Suon's my son and he's ten years old, and he's all boy."

Fifteen minutes later in the washitsu

Ranko, now wearing an apron to cover her grimy shirt and pants, swept in and placed the tea tray on the table, then handed out the cups as well as the plates of cookies.

"Well, Suon-kun, you look like you're about to burst if you don't ask a question but are afraid of how your mother is going to react to you asking it, and how personal or insulting the question is. OK, what is your question?"

Suon looked hard at Nibiki who stared back at him with the parental 'don't you dare embarrass me' glare, then at Ranko and then at his hands. He took a deep breath.

"Are you a martial artist?" he quietly asked then looked up at Ranko.

Ranko rubbed her chin and closed her eyes. "Some people say that once you become a martial artist, you are one for life. Personally, I don't subscribe to that as I have given it up as I found out that there are issues and costs with being one and dedicating your life to it. Issues that I no longer am willing to pay the price asked. Oh, and before you ask, yes, I was very good at it, which was also one of the reasons why I gave it up. It was impacting not only me but also all of my friends and family. So much so that, at the end, I only had one friend left, and no family. THAT is what lead to my and Ryoga's decision to leave and which eventually resulted in our renting the Tendo-ke and dojo. The house, in spite of everything that has happened here in the past, is still filled with love and care, and was in need of someone to take care of it and live in it."

Suon looked down at his hands and wiggling fingers. "Um...ah...I know what the by-laws say, what people call Akane's Law, and it may be asking a lot of you, but could you, could you possibly..."

Ranma quirked his left eyebrow at Suon then glanced over at Nibiki, who gave a short nod then shrugged. Sighing, he wished out loud "I wish Ryogi was here, He'd be better at laying down workable rules..", realizing that she'd actually said that out loud, she glared at Suon.

"OK, here's how this will go down. You think about what I'm going to say, discuss it with your mother, and then give me your answer. As the by-law stands now, I cannot take you as a formal student. However, there is nothing that I cannot be a mentor, which means that you are going to self-study a lot of the materials about your intended school. The fortunate part is that between your mom and my finding a hidden closet and office in the dojo, there should be just about a complete record of the history of the Tendo School of Indiscriminate Grappling Martial Arts, or Anything Goes Martial Arts Tendo School, depending on how you interpret the kanji. Using those records, you will study them with the goal of identifying the katas used for developing the basic skills, then listing the secret and hidden techniques of the school and at which point in your development you will be allowed to learn and practice those skills. Your mother will also be learning those katas, on the basis of learn-one-teach-one to reinforce your study and practices. I will be here to mentor you in answering general questions but not on the specifics of the Tendo School curriculum but only on the interpretation of what is written and if you are doing it right. I will also demonstrate the katas that you are learning but will not teach you what is right or wrong. That will be your job."

"On top of that, you will need to keep up with your regular education, which will be required for you to have a marketable set of skills to earn your way in life, and which is required if you decide to become a dojo master and teach others, or decide follow some other career. That is something that your mother probably agrees with right now. The Tendo School is for you to work on when you have completed your daily tasks, whether schoolwork, chores or just having fun with your schoolmates or friends."

"And ….. just to make things more difficult, you will not use any martial arts that you learn in defense of yourself or anyone else. You will walk away from trouble and will resist being baited into a response that will reveal that you are learning a martial art. You are helping me maintain the dojo on your mother's property and working on your physical fitness."

"Now, having heard all that, you can go away, think about it and discuss it with your mother and come back with your reply of more questions."

The front door banged and a male voice boomed, "Honey, I'm home! What's for dinner!?"

Nibiki snickered at Ranko's sigh and general eyeroll before she straightend up and headed out to greet her housemate and then returned with him at her side. She introduced him formally and he sat down at the table beside Suon-kun and looked him over then looked at Ranko. "Ok, what did you say to him that scared him shitless, or actually at the point of his being about to crap in his shorts?"

Suon-kun joined the two ladies in glaring at Ryoga, then grated out. "Yes, what Ranka-sama said scared me but not to the point that you are saying. I have to go away and thinking about what was said, what I would like to do and to go forward, knowing what I am doing and its impacts on me and my family and friends; not just blindly joining because it is something that my grandparents had cooked up as a new form of martial arts."

Ryoga nodded with a serious expression on his face and then nodded. "Much better than my traditional line about it being all Ranko's fault and trying to punish her for my failings, or letting my jealousy push me into making bad decisions about learning obscure techniques. Good for you, boy!"

"Well, it's a good thing that our landlady and her son are visiting us today. I got some discount tickets for that new restaurant that just opened up. The one that is a Chinese/Japanese noodle/ramen-fusion restaurant. If you don't mind being our guests for dinner tonight, that is."

Nibiki rubbed her chin and looked at her son, who was looking expectantly back. She then looked at Ryoga and asked the Elephant-in-the-corner question, "Sorry for having to ask this question, but why? I mean, why are you going there in the first place, let alone taking two absolute strangers along for a free dinner?"

Ryoga smiled and then laughed. "Yes. Well, I'm currently a freelance investigator, and the local newspaper wants a review of the restaurant, so I got the fun job of taking a look at the restaurant, and find any problems with the food or the staff. You being here just makes it easier for me. You get a free dinner and I get some honest opinions of the service and food."

Nibiki looked at Ryoga and slowly nodded. "My sisters used to claim that I have a nose for trouble and how to profit from it. Right now, my nose is twitching like crazy. You said that you're a freelance investigator and being a restaurant critic is way beneath what most people would expect you'd be doing. So, fessup!"

Ryoga looked over at Ranko. "Well, in for a penny, in for a kilo."

Looking back at Nibiki and down as Suon. "Here's the straight goods. Ranko and I are what most people would call 'chaos magnets', We attract trouble and someone thinks that something is not right with this restaurant but can't quite put their fingers on what actually is wrong. So, they talked to me about it and came up with the idea of my doing a food critic article on the restaurant as the means of figuring out who's 'nose for trouble' is right and possibly talking to you. Now, before your nose goes into overdrive, the fact that we rented the Tendo-ke from you took place long before the restaurant opened and set off some other people's 'noses for trouble'. The fact that you dropped by and were here when I came home is purely coincidental, which is why I included you into the dinner invitation."

Nibiki smirked. "You're not going to tell me who owns the other noses that are getting out of shape on this."

"Nope. However, they do know about you and trust your judgment. Shoot! They even predicted that we'd be having this conversation, albeit with a really funny smirk and muttered comments about long-overdue paybacks. Sorry but I can't tell you exactly who is involved because they never said who they were, only that they fired me to do the basic investigation and they do know you."

Nibiki nodded, then sneezed. "I think that they must be talking about me right now. Okay, if we do got out for dinner, if I think something is wrong with the whole situation, I'm out immediately. Sound like a deal?"

Ryoga nodded and extended his hand across the table. "Deal!"


End file.
